


From the Ashes

by melanie1982



Category: Boy Meets World, Shory - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Divorce, M/M, New love, Slash, baby!, butseriouslyShory, noAngela, noncanon, nothatingonTopanga, unexpectedparenthood, whosthedaddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 19:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7476381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanie1982/pseuds/melanie1982
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Topanga and Cory realized a few months into marriage that it wasn't going to work out.<br/>Maybe 'waiting' had been a bad idea; giving in earlier would've showed them that the chemistry wasn't there. Their love for each other simply didn't carry over into the bedroom, and their life together began to unravel.<br/>Topanga deserved passion, not just stability. Cory couldn't give her both.<br/>Was there another reason behind why the perfect couple wasn't, well, perfect?</p><p>Not my characters. Fiction. I make no money from this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning and an Ending

The divorce had been the most amicable anyone involved had ever heard of. Together, they had sent thank-you cards to everyone who'd attended the wedding, each card including a check for the gifts they'd had to sell. As a pair, they'd divided and packed up their meager belongings, sold their home, splitting the money fifty fifty.. The childhood friends had even walked in to their divorce hearings together. When it was all over, they cried. Together.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened," Topanga said, daubing at her runny mascara.

"I really am sorry, Pang."

"Cory, we both knew on some level that it couldn't last. This isn't.." This was a conversation they'd replayed, with slight variations on the theme, for months now.  
"I'll always love you."

"I'll always love you, too."

"Friends?"

"Forever."

And so it had been. Everyone kept waiting for the fallout, for the arguments or bitterness to start, for one or the other to seek some sort of revenge.. All the mutual friends breathed a sigh of relief at not being caught in the middle, not having to choose sides. 

On their last night, sitting on fold-out chairs inside of their empty house, they got introspective over a bottle of wine. She waved her hand, gesturing towards the blank space. "So this is it. Starting over at the grand old age of.. How old are we again?"

Cory laughed into his glass mid-sip. "We're not old. Plenty of time." He had no way of knowing that wasn't quite true. Did she have a sense of time being short? Should he have felt it, too?

She let out a tired sigh. "I hope you're right."

"Panga?"

"Yeah, Cor?"

"It wasn't all bad, was it? I mean, we had some good times."

She smiled at the memories. "We did, Cory. I wish everybody's first time could be that sweet."

"'Sweet'? Just 'sweet'?" Cory set down his glass, a little too loudly, on the hardwood floor.

"Come on, Cory. It was great. I mean.."

"What?"

"All that build-up, years of waiting, of wanting you.. It was a little, I dunno.." p/>

"Yes you do. A little what?"

"Well, there wasn't.. passion. Not from you. Obviously you, uh, enjoyed it. Physically. But.."

Cory frowned. "You didn't like it."

"I said it was sweet! I did too!"

"But you need wild. You need.." Cory racked his brain for the word. "Rougher. More aggressive."

"Maybe." She squirmed, wanting to change the subject. "Just.. forget it."

"No."

"No?"

He stood, moving in front of her. "I want a do-over."

"There are no 'do overs' for virginity, Cor."

"We aren't married now. I'm not your husband. Right?"

Too much wine. "Well, no.."

"So? For old times' sake? One more chance."

Definitely too much wine, the bottle as empty as the house. Topanga woke up with marks on her knees from the grain of the wood, Cory shocked by a bruise on his neck (which was nothing compared to the other bruises he found later). Both were happy, smiling; both were ready to let go.

"Thank you. For.. everything." She meant it.

"Ditto."

Topanga continued her internship, while Cory headed back home.

When living with family got old - about three weeks into his stay - Cory made what seemed like the obvious move: he became roommates with Shawn. 

It was then that Cory Matthews' life began to finally fall into place.


	2. Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From friends to lovers

Cory and Shawn were closer than ever. Shawn had finally figured out that he was in love with Cory; he wasn't sure if that made him gay or bi or what, but he did know that no other person on earth would ever make him feel the way his best friend made him feel. Even with that knowledge, he wasn't going to push his friend. The guy had just gotten a divorce, for crying out loud. He'd waited this long; he could wait a little more.

It was killing him.

Things came to a head on a random Tuesday in January. Cory had just hung up with Topanga, and Shawn was trying to breathe evenly. Cory wasn't mooning over Topanga, exactly; he was grieving the loss of the myth of 'Cory and Topanga forever.' His sense of wonder and his faith in happy endings had taken a serious beat-down, and Shawn wanted to be supportive. Really he did.

"Hey, you wanna, uh, you wanna watch a movie?" Shawn had opted for the 'distraction' technique. Maybe it would get Cory's mind off of his failed marriage, and maybe, just maybe, it would keep Shawn's mind from - 

"Uh, okay. Sure."

"Here. Just pull up the pay per view listings, and I'll be right back."

Shawn didn't know why he tortured himself like this. He ran a damp hand through his hair, which he'd started to grow out based on a throw-away remark Cory had made about preferring it that way. He brushed and flossed, just in case; not like it was a wasted exercise, right? Good hygiene was good hygiene, kissing or not. Taking a deep breath, he tried to exude casual interest. Yeah. Sure.

As he reached the open doorway leading from the landing to the living room, he froze. Cory was flicking through the 'recently watched' titles, and Shawn's blood turned to ice, crackling in his veins.

No. Oh, fucking please G*d no..

Cory was reading the plot summaries on title after title: "Locker-room Towel-fight III," "Dorm Room Diaries," "Frat House Fuck-fest," and they were all downhill from there. The latest ones barely had any plot to summarize, Shawn finding that he needed quick relief in the time it took Cory to finish a shower in their shared bathroom, or in the last few minutes before Cory arrived home from work and Shawn had to be platonic for the rest of the evening, or while Cory answered a phone-call.. from her.

He seemed to pause at one in particular, reading the synopsis over and over, his lips faintly moving. That one was about best friends, one of them in love with the other, spying on his beloved.. Even the characters' names were similar: Cody and Shane. Shawn could hear the gears of his friend's mind turning from several yards away.

Cory, conscious of Shawn's imminent return, had a decision to make. Should he pretend he hadn't seen this? Confront his friend and say it was okay? Confront him and act offended?  
Was there another option?

Shawn retreated a few steps, making sure to take the last few stairs more audibly than before. Cory jumped a little, composing an 'everything is fine' smile.

"You, uh, pick a movie?"

Cory looked serious, his smile falling flat. "I thought I'd let you pick. You're less boring than me; maybe you could broaden my horizons a little."

Shawn gulped.


	3. First Comes .. Uh..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory figures out a way to let Shawn know it's okay to be Shawn.
> 
> Cory figures out a way to let Shawn know it's okay to be Shawn and Cory.
> 
> Feels.

Shawn could barely focus on the movie - some weepy philosophical tripe that could've been a film major's flunked thesis. Cory seemed disappointed in the choice, but maybe he just didn't understand the plot. Shawn didn't, either. Cory's proximity was a major distraction, the early shadows of evening now deepening into night. With no interior light beyond the flickering screen, things felt surreal, intimate, and terrifying.

Shawn excused himself to make microwave popcorn, his restless hands needing to be occupied. Cory exited to the menu, hitting the 'playback' button, a perk of this ppv provider allowing the customer to re-watch previously ordered movies for up to three days after the initial purchase. He muted the film, fast-forwarding to the first sex scene he could find. The actors looked so young; he knew they were legal, but.. and they bore such uncanny resemblances to.. 

Shawn had to grip the bowl with both hands to keep from spilling it. "Cor?"

"Come sit down, Shawn. I know I said I'd let you pick, but I don't think either of us was really into that last one."

Shawn took the walk of shame, a condemned man propelling himself towards the gallows. "This didn't seem like your thing."

"Well, I'm old enough. We're both adults. Men. Manly men." Shawn stifled a laugh. "Men watch porn. Neither one of us has anything to be ashamed of."

Shawn focused on the screen. Things were heating up. "There are absolutely no women of any kind in this -"

"It's okay, Shawn. I get it."

Shawn bristled at the touch of Cory's hand on his shoulder as he resumed his spot on the couch. "No, Cor, I don't think you do. You've NEVER really gotten it."

"Are you gay?"

Shawn froze, his mouth opening and closing mutely like that of a dying fish. "I.. I don't know. I've never been with a guy."

"But you want to."

It was a loaded question, and Cory knew it. He knew it was selfish, a dick move, but he couldn't risk another rejection so close to the previous one. He had to be sure.

"There's only ever been one guy.. I wanted." How had he finished that sentence?

Cory, needing things spelled out for him, had to push here. "And that guy would be..?" It wasn't cocky, making Shawn own it. It was cautious. 

"Cory."

"Me."

"Yeah. It's always been you, Cory."

"So, let's watch. Together." Cory turned the volume back on, and the scene unfolded. 

Cory let his arm settle around Shawn's shoulder. Shawn was so happy at the contact, he didn't dare move. Cory seemed sober enough; had he suffered a head injury of some kind? Was Shawn dreaming? Was one of them dead? Oh, fuck, that had to be it - this was some sort of weird purgatory - 

"Sounds like you're thinking too much, Shawnie."

"What does thinking sound like?"

Cory picked up one of Shawn's hands, tracing soft circles into his palm. "It's quiet."

Shit.

The guys on screen were making out hard-core. Shawn loved the way the Cody guy used his tongue: teasing; tempting; tasting. He loved the way Shane moaned into his mouth. 

"You know, this isn't bad. Better than the other movie." Cory shot him a lopsided grin, eyes heavy-lidded. Shawn had the cover of a bowl of popcorn in his lap; Cory had no such cover, his arousal evident.

"You, um.. you like this movie?"

"I think it's more of a case of identifying with the characters. Their struggle."

Shawn felt the hand move from his shoulder up into his hair, threading through it. "Oh, yeah. The struggle is real."

"You're growing your hair out. Feels nice."

Shawn practically whimpered. Cory was setting the nerve endings of his scalp on fire, and that in turn was shooting pulses of pleasure zinging through his body, making the bowl in his lap tilt and shift. A few kernels spilled out.

"Messy. Let me get that.."

Before Shawn had time to react, Cory's hand was reaching between the rim of the bowl and his abdomen, gathering the spilled snack. "Cory.." The name came out, half-plea, half-confession, a hoarse, broken sound. Cory popped the errant kernels into his mouth, chewing slowly. When he reached down again, his hand grabbed more than popcorn.

"Shawn." In one swift smack, the bowl was shoved to the floor, yellow puff-balls of buttery goodness littering the carpet. Shawn was sinking into the couch, its sagging frame in dire need of a sheet of plywood to hold up the cushions. Cory had to adjust, pulling his legs up onto the couch and aligning them with Shawn's. 

"Cory.. You're not drunk or high, are you?"

"Sober." The voice vibrated against Shawn's Adam's apple, landing kisses there, working up. Too slow.

"And we're both alive, right? I mean, alive, awake, sober, not dead, or dreaming..?"

Cory kissed him on the lips, Shawn's mouth reaching up for harder contact. It had been so light, so teasing. "Alive. Awake. Ready."

Shawn groaned, accepting it. Of all the ways he'd imagined this playing out - and oh, had he ever done some creative thinking on this - this scenario was miles out from his. Galaxies out. And it was perfect.

"You okay with this, Shawnie? With us?"

"Yeah. You're killin' me, Cory. Whatever you ask, whatever you need to know, the answer is 'yes.' Fuck.." 

On screen, the lovers were moaning harder, breaths coming in wet pants. Shawn couldn't see the action, but he didn't need to; he could feel it. He could live it.

"It's okay. Whoever you are.. It's okay. You're Shawn. I'm Cory. And I love you."

"Shawn and Cory," Shawn breathed.

"Right. Right now."


	4. Nothing Prepares You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory had almost forgotten that last night with Topanga. She was seeing someone new, but Cory didn't have the details.
> 
> Something tragic happened, followed by something almost miraculous.

It had only been, what, two or three months since he'd parted ways with Topanga? Going against all conventional wisdom about rebound relationships, sleeping with your roommate, sleeping with your best friend, etc, Cory and Shawn had flown head-long into an intense affair.

As he lay, sweaty and spent, in their too-small bed, (their new one was arriving next week), Cory felt it all click into place. This was what Topanga had wanted - no, NEEDED - to feel with him. This was what every soul deserved to feel: the joy, the pleasure, the *closeness* of love.

They drifted off, Cory sliding into a strange dream about Topanga. Something about a car, and a tree..

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five months since the divorce

Coming out had been easier than either of them had thought. A lot of people had already assumed or guessed this would happen; Eric was bitter at losing a bet - "I figured two, three weeks, tops, once you guys moved in together," - but things went smoothly. Shawn still had moments of insecurity; this was a relationship of firsts for both of them, and Cory had taken a longer, more winding road to get to this point. Still, their love was real, and it ran deep; there was nothing they couldn't overcome together.

The dream had returned at a frequency of once every two weeks or so. Cory always checked on Topanga afterward, and her calls were short and breathless, full of happy updates on her professional life, and sly hints at enjoying her personal life. Cory was glad she'd moved on, making it easier to break the news about him and Shawn. The nagging feeling of something being wrong wouldn't go away, though, and at the five-month mark, Cory spoke up.

"Topanga?"

She knew when he used her real name and that tone that it was serious. She stopped highlighting the file in front of her, wriggling her fingers back to life as she put down the writing instrument.

"What is it, Cory?"

"Have you had your car serviced lately?"

She ruffled some paperwork on her desk. "Um, wow. That's weird. It's about time for an oil change. How'd you know?"

He sighed, hoping that was sufficient to alleviate the sense of dread. "How's your health?"

She giggled. "You sound like my mom. I've been tired lately, but there's.." She seemed to catch herself. "Nothing to worry about."

"They working you too hard?"

"I can handle it. What's this about, Cory?"

"Nothing. Just.. Do me a favor? Make a doctor's appointment?"

Topanga stifled a gasp. Composing herself, she said, "I've got one scheduled for later this week." He tried to figure out why she sounded strained, but couldn't.

"Topanga? Don't take this the wrong way, but.. I.. I love you."

"I love you too, Cory. What brought that on?"

"Just.. I like telling people things. I don't like leaving stuff unsaid."

Topanga rested a hand upon her growing middle. "I appreciate that." She felt positively evil. Was she? Until she knew whose baby this was, she couldn't.. and with his relationship being so new.. It was better to wait. Right?  
Topanga called her cell from her desk line. "Cory, I've got another call coming in. I gotta take this."

"Oh. Okay. Talk soon?"

"Of course." She bit back tears. Stupid hormones. 

They hung up, Topanga blowing her nose into a tissue, finding blood, and Cory wondering what the hell was really going on in her life.


	5. Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is definitely wrong.
> 
> Cory tries to be patient.

Topanga kept her doctor's appointment. He was worried; the nosebleeds could be a sign of high blood pressure, and they needed to keep an eye on things. 

"You're only halfway through the pregnancy, but I'm recommending you go on bed rest."

"What? For how long?" Her boyfriend, Brian, squeezed her hand.

"Until the baby is born. Once we reach the 32 week mark, I may consider a C-section, or an induction.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I can't go on bed rest; I'll lose everything I've been working towards.."

Topanga knew it wouldn't matter - that her health and the health of her child were at stake. She just hated giving up control.

"I don't want to lose you - or the baby," Brian soothed. How had she gotten so lucky? Brian knew about the question-mark hovering over the child inside her, and he stood by her. 

Topanga sighed. "Tell me what I need to do."

The doc smiled, relieved. "Do you have anyone who you can stay with, someone who can tend to you 'til the delivery?"

Brian had some leave from his job, but it wasn't long enough. "Angela's. She shares with her cousin; they have room. You could take me there; it's a short commute. We'd still see each other."

It was agreed upon: Brian would use up his available leave, and once it ran out, Topanga would move in with Angela until the birth. 

Somewhere in another state, Cory had a sick feeling in his stomach he couldn't explain..


	6. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just shy of the thirty-one week mark, Topanga is transferred to Angela's house.
> 
> That was the plan, anyway.

Cory hadn't confided in Shawn about the dream, and eventually, it had stopped. The uneasy feeling lingered, but what could he do? Topanga had to live her life.

A new dream materialized. It repeated every night for a week.

Topanga was smiling, handing Cory a bundle wrapped in a little pink blanket. As he took hold of the child, Topanga vanished, and Shawn stood beside him, both of them looking at the baby with a mixture of love and sadness.

The third time Cory woke in a cold sweat, Shawn had dragged it out of him, threatening to withhold sex unless Cory fessed up.

"Even 'the special treat'?", Cory wheedled.

"ESPECIALLY the special treat. Now SPILL."

Cory had, and Shawn had tried to allay his lover's fears.

"Maybe it's a symbol of the new beginning she gave you. The fact that she disappears, that seems pretty obvious; she had to move out of the way for us to be together."

"So why isn't her man in the dream?"

"You've never met him. How can you dream of someone you don't know?"

Cory wanted to believe it. "But why is it a girl? And why do I see her face? She's so tiny, Shawn, like a doll; she's got that bird-nose like a preemie. It's all too detailed.."

"Cory, call her."

"It's 3 a.m. I can't just.."

Shawn handed him the phone. "Call her."

Cory nodded, grateful. The phone went straight to voicemail.

"Maybe I should get the cops to go do a well-check on her."

Now Shawn had to step in. "And say what, that she didn't answer her ex hubby's call at 3am? Come on, Cory. Try again when the sun is up."

Cory couldn't go back to sleep. He counted the weeks on his fingers: almost eight months since they'd..

No. She would've told him. Even allowing for the 'wait a few months' superstition, she would've mentioned it by now. Right?  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In NYC, Brian was loading up the car. The car seat, the stroller, the diapers and newborn clothes - the baby had more luggage than the mom.

"All set?"

She nodded. "Yeah." Checking her phone, she saw it was off. "Oh, damn it. I forgot to charge it." 

Topanga hadn't felt well. The nosebleeds had happened several more times, though she normally dealt with them at home. Her diet and everything else had been impeccable; it was one of those unlucky flukes of life that she was sick, despite following doctor's orders.

"You sure you wanna leave this early?"

She laughed, but it was short and breathless. "Yeah. Morning traffic is killer. This way we'll beat the rush, and I'll be settled in in time for you to get to work."

Brian hefted the last of the luggage into the car, and off they went.

It was a pleasant drive, cool and fairly quiet. As they passed the hospital where Topanga was scheduled to give birth, she smiled. "That's where we'll get to meet her," she said dreamily.

"How are you so sure it's a 'her'? Thought we agreed not to learn the sex," Brian teased.

"I just know." Brian had been present at every ultrasound; he knew she hadn't found out behind his back.

"Topanga?"

"Mm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Bri."

"I just.. I don't like leaving things unsaid."

After that, everything happened in slow motion: the semi coming into view, its driver slumped over the wheel; Brian seeing it was headed straight for them, trying to shove Topanga out of the car to give her a chance at survival; the impact of her head on the unforgiving tar of the road... The last thing she heard was the truck turning the car, its occupant, and all of its contents into a crushed fireball. Then utter silence.

\--------------------------------------------

An ambulance returning from a false-alarm call was preparing to turn in to the hospital's garage when the driver noticed the wreckage.

"Holy shit! Code red! Move it, move it!" 

The lights and sirens wailed to life for the few yards it took to reach the scene. As they piled out, one EMT checked the car, thinking he saw a figure inside of it. Then he moved to check the cab of the truck, but the flames were too hot, the driver already charred to a cinder. "Too late for anyone inside."

His partner called up from her crouched position, "I got a live one, on the ground! Pulse is weak." Then, "She's pregnant!"

All hands scrambled to move her onto a stretcher, and the OR was being prepped as they pulled into the bay. "Pregnant female, unconscious and fading fast. We need to get this baby out, NOW!"

"Who is she? What the hell - ? Thought it was a false alarm call?"

"It was. Found her outside. Fire department's en route. There was a wreck, a semi and a car. Thinking she was pushed out before impact, hit the ground hard."

A flashlight shone into her propped-open eye, but there was no response. She saw nothing.

"Alright, everybody scrub up! Seconds count! Is that oxygen secure?"

"Artificial resp is working, no sign of independent function.."

Topanga was hurtled down the hallway into an OR. Within minutes, a healthy, albeit early, baby girl let out her first cry.


	7. Beautiful Kind Of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory gets a phone call explaining the dreams..

The hospital staff went through her purse. Her ID read Topanga Matthews; she hadn't done battle with NY DMV to update her surname. She was currently on life support, but there was no brain function; they were keeping her 'alive' until next of kin was notified.

"She's an organ donor," one nurse commented, the doctor making a note in her chart.

"All the more reason to get someone here. The sooner we can.."

"I understand," the nurse sighed. Plugging in her cellphone to charge, they were able to retrieve Topanga's ICE contact. Cory answered, his voice flat from exhaustion.

"'Lo?"

"Is this Cory Matthews?"

His blood ran cold, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He didn't recognize the voice, and calls in the middle of the night were never good news. "Yes, it is."

"Are you Topanga Matthews' husband?" 

"I was. What's goin' on?"

The nurse gave as few details as possible over the phone. It all boiled down to: 

"What do I need to do?"

The nurse explained, and Cory threw on clothes, rousing Shawn.

"It's Topanga. We gotta go!"

"Mr. Matthews? You need to bring a car seat."

He stopped. Was this all a bad joke? "What for?"

The nurse bristled at his tone. He must not know. "Were you aware that your wi -, ex-wife, was eight months pregnant?"

Cory dropped the phone. Shawn had to bluff his way through the rest of the call, learning through fragments about what had happened.

A baby. Shawn hung up the phone. "Cory?"

"The dream, Shawn. The dream.."

\----------------------------------------------

They made the drive in record time, Cory having run to a 24 hour Walmart to pick up a car seat. Shawn was running on pure adrenaline; Cory was in shock and numb with grief.

"She can't be gone. They must've made a mistake."

Shawn just let him talk, knowing anything he said wouldn't sink in anyway.

"A baby? How could she not tell me?"

After the tenth time of that question coming up, Shawn was itching to broach the subject, gripping the wheel to tether him to reality. They were in the parking lot of the hospital, gathering courage to go in and face... 

There were release forms to sign, which Cory did, blindly. Topanga hadn't updated her next of kin to Brian, and at any rate, he was gone, too. For some reason, that gave Cory a strange mixture of grief and comfort. He'd never met the man, but she'd loved him. She had been happy, and for that, Cory was grateful to the stranger.

"How are we gonna do this, Shawn? How are we gonna raise a baby?"

Shawn's patience had run out. "Cory, why is it OUR responsibility? She wasn't your wife anymore; it isn't your.."

He hadn't finished the sentence before Cory's face fell.

"Is there a chance her baby is yours?"

Cory sank into a chair, his head landing in his hands. When he spoke, it was aimed at the floor, the tiles wavering in and out of focus.

"The last night at our house, we talked. I stayed over. We drank a whole bottle of red wine between us. It was stupid, I know, but, I wanted one last time. As closure. To know that what we'd had hadn't been a total waste."

"I don't understand."

"My whole life, Shawn, had been geared towards finding a girl, getting married, having kids and letting them repeat my childhood, all the fun, all the love. I fucked up, but, that night, I wasn't able to just let go of that dream like it was nothing. I needed to put it to bed, to say goodbye to it. You and me happened later; it wasn't cheating. I know it feels that way, but, at that moment, I needed to know she was still my friend, that we could still care for each other - "

"So you had sex with her? Unprotected?"

"Shawn, she had been my first, my only. I'd been hers. Why would we need a barrier between us?"

He pulled at his hair as he paced. "So THIS wouldn't happen! Remember sex ed, Cor? Jesus!"

Cory was crying. The shock had given way to grief. "It could be Brian's. She said they got together in a rush; they started - " He couldn't finish that sentence.

"What if it's not his? What if it's yours?"

Cory considered that. "Mine or not, I'm all that baby has left in the world now. I'm her only link to her mom. I can't walk away from that. Please don't ask me to; don't make me choose."

Shawn went through it in his mind, the horrors of the foster care system, the rejection, the wondering about your 'real' family.. Did he want to inflict all that on a child? He didn't like it - in fact, it scared the shit out of him just thinking about it - but he knew Cory was right. 

"None of this is her fault. You're right. I'm sorry. I just.. I wasn't expecting this. I mean, a kid! I never imagined myself.."

Cory walked over to him, enveloped him with his arms. Close. "You never wanted kids?"

"It's not like that. I didn't want to fuck up someone else's life. Look at how I was raised; I didn't want to make the same mistakes.."

Cory leaned his forehead against Shawn's. "You won't. WE won't."

"I won't have any rights, Cor. I'm not the father."

The silence stretched on as they held each other.

"You will if we're married."

Shawn pulled back, but Cory kept his grip. "Don't joke about that."

"I'm not joking. She deserves to have two people love her. She deserves to have the two people who loved and knew her mom better than anyone else to raise her. Shawn - "

A nurse interrupted them. "Mr. Matthews? It's time."

Cory took Shawn's hand, and they walked down the hallway to meet his - THEIR - daughter.


	8. Hello and Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An ending and a beginning

The baby, still unnamed, was stable. She was early, but the hospital had seen far more delicate infants pull through. After a run-down of the risks and explaining that she'd need to be thoroughly checked out before going anywhere, the nurse left them alone.

"She's bigger than I expected," Shawn said, immediately feeling it was a stupid thing to say about a baby, especially under the circumstances.

"Maybe she knew she'd be early."

Cory knelt down beside the incubator, speaking softly. "Hello, little one. I'm Cory." He had to swallow a lump in his throat before continuing. "I'm your dad." The paternity test was one-sided; there was no viable DNA to be cultured from Brian. The only way they'd get an answer was from Cory's sample compared to the baby's. The lab was already working on it.

"It's okay, Shawn. She can hear you. Talk to her."

Shawn's emotions ran the gamut: guilt over coveting Cory all those years; any ill will he'd ever held toward Topanga; grief over all the loss and pain for everyone, living and deceased; the uncertainty of the direction of the rest of his life.. "Hi, baby. I'm.. dad two. We'll figure out what to call me when you start talking."

Cory squeezed his hand. The machines continued to regulate her breathing and monitor her vitals. So far, so good; the doctors had worked quickly to deliver her before she suffered from lack of oxygen. 

"I know this isn't how you would've planned things, but I promise you - I will do all I can to love you just as much as - " here, he had to get his breath - "as your mom would have. I can tell you stories about her, about us. I have pictures, too. I won't let you grow up without knowing who you are, where you come from. Me and Shawn, we'll work together and figure it out."

Shawn struggled to find words. "Just know that, you were created in an act of love." He knew it to be so, whether the child was Cory's or not.

They couldn't stay long. It was time to deal with the end of Topanga's life, medically and legally - a formality, since she was already 'gone', but an important part of the process nonetheless.

They were shown to her room. The doctors were standing by, ready to remove her organs once the life support was switched off.

"How am I gonna do this, Shawn? I don't want to see her like that - broken - "

Shawn held his hand. "We don't get another chance. It's now or never." They walked in together, seeing her as cleaned up as possible, looking almost peaceful. Cory bit his hand, then went to his knees beside the bed.

"Panga." He wanted to turn back time. He would've accepted just about anything, done a deal with the devil, just to give her one more breath, one more day - 

Shawn's hand rested on his shoulder, and he drew on that. "Topanga. I'm.. so sorry. I hope, somehow, you can hear me, wherever you are. I.. She's perfect. You did a great job. I don't know why you didn't tell me about her, but I guess you had your reasons. I want you to know, I'm gonna be there for her - no matter what. Me and Shawn."

Shawn nodded, a tear rolling down each cheek. "We promise."

"I.. I hope Brian is with you. I hope - " 

There were no more words for a moment. 

"Please find peace. Both of you."

"I'll miss you, Pang." Shawn didn't know what else to say. 

Cory had to be helped up. "Goodbye, sweetie." 

There was nothing more to be done. The two of them left to allow the doctors to do what needed to be done. Cory wondered who would get her heart - her kind, generous, too-good-for-him heart. He hoped whoever it was would be worthy of receiving it.

The rest of the night passed slowly, neither of them saying much. Baby Matthews continued to do well, and by daybreak, the doctors were ready to try her off the ventilator. As those gathered in the room watched her take her first few breaths on her own, they exhaled.

"I think she's going to be okay, Shawn."

"Our baby. We have a baby. This is so.."

After a few final checks and a heaping armful of literature, they were allowed to take her home. 

The paternity results would take a few days due to a backlog, but with no one else to claim her, she was theirs and theirs alone.


	9. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heart knows things the mind can not

Their apartment was big enough for the time being. Cory's parents had visited, bringing armloads of diapers, clothes and other essentials. The lovers soon found a routine for late-night feedings and diaper changes, and after a few days, it began to feel like they'd been doing this forever.

When the phone rang, the caller ID showing it was the lab with the DNA results, Cory put the technician on speakerphone.

"Mr. Matthews, are you sitting down?"

"Yes. We are." Baby Phoenix lay sleeping in Shawn's arms, his free hand finding Cory's.

"The paternity test shows that there is a 99.9999 percent probability that you are Phoenix's biological father."

Cory felt a pang of sadness for Brian and Topanga. Then again, he would've been a part of Phoenix's life even if Brian and Topanga..

"She's yours, Cory. Yours and Panga's." Shawn had had time to bond with their baby, and to process what really wasn't a betrayal.

"She always wanted kids with me. I hope she would've been happy to know."

The tech wrapped up the phone call, explaining that the official documentation would be sent via registered mail. Cory thanked her, then hung up.

As they looked at their daughter, a sense of peace settled upon the three of them. 

"You know what, Shawn? I already knew. Even if those tests didn't exist, she just.."

"Felt like she was yours."

"Yeah."

She stirred in her sleep, smacking her lips as she snuggled into her blanket.

"I love you, Cory. And I love you, too, Phoenix."

"I love you too, Shawn. I love our baby girl."

They enjoyed her in silence for a few moments.

"Shawn?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I meant what I said. At the hospital."

Cory got down on one knee. 

"Cory.."

"Shawn Hunter.. You've been the biggest influence on my life since we were kids."

"Not always a good one," he joked, but Cory shook it off.

"I don't want to rush you, and I don't want you to think this is all because of the baby. It isn't."

"Cory, you don't have to - "

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you. This is how things should've been - years ago, or months ago, or forever ago. Topanga gave me this child, but, more than that, she gave me the chance to be happy, to figure out who I really am and where I really want to be. Who I want to be WITH."

Shawn was sniffling.

"I'm asking you now, and I'll ask you as many times as it takes until you say yes... Will you marry me?"

Cory was crying now. All the fights, all the tension between the three friends, followed by the healing and the new beginnings - and here they were, everything they could ever hope for within their grasp.

"Yes, Cory. My God, yes, I will marry you."

Phoenix began to fuss, which quickly escalated to crying.

"Now we're ALL crying," Shawn joked.

"That's okay. We're going to cry, and we're going to mess up, and we're going to love the you-know-what out of each other. Together."

"Yeah. Together." 

Her name was chosen to reflect the circumstances of her birth. Out of the ashes, the phoenix will rise; out of the tragedy, something wonderful was born.

Somewhere just out of their sight, just a heartbeat away, Topanga was smiling and crying, too, giving them her blessing.

Friends. Forever.


End file.
